The Advice from My Dad That Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who continue to internalise negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - going on a few days away, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."